Closure
by Juki
Summary: It's Trunks' wedding day, Pan is not the bride but someone else, how does Pan feel? Any regrets? R/R Songfic - Michelle Branch: Goodbye To You


Closure 

By: Crimson Fae

                Another day has already passed by in her shoes; she looked at the calendar of April, the month of showers. The red marked circle on the thirtieth is approaching fast, now if only she were in someone else's shoes then she would've been anxious for the thirtieth.

Taught and raised up to do the 'right thing' for other people, to be righteous and just, she knew one day it'd run around the track then come back and bite her in the ass.

_Of all the things I believe in  
I just want to get it over with_

                She remembered the announcement, he was wearing the red sweater she had knitted him for Christmas, of course he didn't know that, he just thought she bought it at some shop, he picked up the glass and tapped it with the spoon. The tinkering sound made everyone go quiet, he cleared his throat and declared, "I have an important announcement, you all knew how hard it was for me when…I broke up but I think it was meant to be because I met Ayami who swept me off my feet and took my breath away." He gazed down with that tantalizing stare at her…and he took her hands into his own and smiled that sweet smile that could haunt a person's dream for a decade…if she let him. "Yukisaki Ayami, will you marry me?"

"Oh yes!" She cried and embraced him, Pan stood by the punchbowl with a bland expression on her face, she squeezed the glass tightly in her hand as she stared down, her bangs concealed her eyes as she bit down on her lip. 'He didn't even want to mention my name…but I would understand…' She thought, 'After all…I was the one that let him go.'

_Tears from behind my eyes  
but I do not cry_

A month later here she stands crossing out the days until the Big Day where she would be…the brides maid for Ayami, today…Twenty-Ninth…tomorrow…

  
_Counting the days that past me by_

                "Look Pan…why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?" Trunks hooked his hand around Pan's wrist as she was about to leave, Pan shook his hand off and whirred around with a cold look on her face, "You shouldn't have played her, it's wrong."

"Pan…it was a joke, she knows." Trunks exclaimed while he approached her with an earnest look on his face, "Why are you so uptight about this? It's not like it effected you in any way."

"How do I know I won't be the next then." Pan barked out.

"Next for what?"

"Being played by you." She muttered out.

Catching on to it he nodded briefly with a look of anger on his face, "So you're worked up over the fact that you're paranoid and blaming me for it."

"No Trunks, I'm worked up for the fact that you take people like her as casualty and she's not, she's a human being, you take a lot of people for granted." Pan protested while gritting her teeth.

"Well if you think that I'm such a horrible person, maybe we should take a break." Trunks suggested, cooling down.

"No, I think we should just…break up, I can't take much more of this pressure being someone that can't be revealed in public, I'm sick and tired of hiding all the time with you, if you care about me then you would let people know about me. But sadly you haven't, this tells me a lot of things Trunks, it tells me just how much of a jerk you can be." Pan stated and walked out of the room without looking back, somehow…she regretted that night forever and if there could be a day after forever, she would grieve about that day too.

"You did the right thing, Pan, if you hadn't told him he would have hurt a lot more people." Gohan embraced his daughter as she came walking home depressed, she had trusted him and told him about their relationship. Like his daughter he couldn't understand why Trunks kept it a secret about their dating, it was abnormal and he grew suspicious ever since Pan told him about the truth.

_I've been searching deep down in my soul  
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old_

She stared at herself in the mirror, she had learned a lot since then, hearing it from Goten made it worse, he

knew about the break up and so did a lot of people, he had asked why and Pan would just brush him off, but one day he insisted on talking about it and had revealed to Pan that Trunks did what he did to only protect her from other people so she won't get hurt. She had taken it the wrong way and had assumed Trunks had thought of her as weak and things couldn't have turned worse then. 

He confronted her a few days later asking if they could have another chance, she turned him down quickly and he asked why.

"Because, I'm tired of you alright? I've realized there are a lot more options for me and the three years we've been together showed me how much I missed out on things." Pan said over her pride, she wanted to accept…but something in her head told her to play it hard and if he really wanted her he would keep asking…she strangled that voice that following week when he acted like nothing happened…going back to the sister brother routine and now mentioning some girl named Ayami he met at work.

_Looks like I'm starting all over again  
The last three years were just pretend and I say_

                He had left for good all because of her pride, assumption and over a girl she didn't even know that he had supposedly forgot to mention he had a girlfriend and so on so on. She had thought she did the right thing, so confident about her decision of turning him down and testing him…now, she wished she had listened to some advice given by Trunks' sister. She had told him to lay it all out and talk whether than play games, she had mentioned that confronting with the problem with your guy is more effective than playing games and hinting like mad.

How right she was.

She couldn't muster up the courage to ask him herself, he was available for girls to grab and she stood by the side cursing herself when all along he might've returned back into her arms if she had just asked.

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I love  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

                She still thought about him everyday, she kept the pictures they had taken together while they were a couple and she would put them on the vanity table and kiss it every night before she slept, she would dream about him, dream about replacing Ayami at the wedding day, staring into his depthless eyes and getting lost in the eternal orbs of cerulean, she daydreamt about him and grew distant from the gang.

First off it was awkward since it was remotely her fault that Trunks and her broke up, secondly she always felt as if the gang felt uncomfortable around her and him, not knowing which side to pick and trying to act cautious and sensitive around her and Trunks.

It would not have been that bad if they just acted like nothing happened but then again…something did, and no one could ignore such a big issue because then you could blame them to be insensitive. She sometimes fantasized about him and her but she knew that if she kept this up, her obsession with him would resolve to a level that it would be hopeless. She kept telling herself that he's gone and she should move on.

_I still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems like I can't live a day without you  
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away  
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right_

That's why today…the twenty-ninth, she will find closure.

  
_Goodbye to you_

                Trunks sat back and watched TV alone in his apartment suite, he moved out long before he was 20, he said he wanted to venture so his mother gave him a budget and a job and kicked him to his feet. He flicked through the channels nonchalantly, his mind was elsewhere. He thought about the day tomorrow, he knew he should get some sleep, but he wondered if he made the right decision. 'What if I tried harder back then…asked her again?' He had always wondered but would tell himself off that Pan would never play games, she was too straight forward, 'But how well DO you know her?' The voice would ask, 'After all, she's a girl Trunks, all girls like games.' Then he would go map and literally tell the voice to shut up.

He always depended on his judgement and he couldn't imagine the outcome if he had been more persistent but he would always tell himself that what's done is done, no guilt, no turning back.

So much for that, he's messed up way over his head.

_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved   
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

                Pan took a deep breath and was about to knock when she stopped herself, 'What are you going to say to him?' The voice asked her, Pan thought hard but she couldn't figure out what to do or say, she doesn't even know why she's here in the first place. 'Closure…remember?' The voice reminded her.

"I can find closure by avoiding him." Pan muttered beneath her breath, just then a woman walked passed and overheard the self-talk and quickened her pace to get away from this insane woman who's speaking to herself.

She didn't know what she wanted, well she does, she wants him back but it's a bit too late now, yet she was scared that this was going to be some old scar that she'll be stuck with until she died and this scar can't be easily put down once your dead because maggots can't eat your memories away. Should she bend to that voice again and approach him or should she listen to her reasoning, he's getting married the next day, it's **not** right.

'Would it be so bad as to be bad for just one day?' She pondered.

'But it's not right, it's wrong, you're going to mess it up even more, so stop picking at this scab and go get a band-aid' the voice told her sternly.

_It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time           
I want what's yours and I want what's mine  
I want you but I'm not giving in this time_

She took a step back and shook her head, "It's wrong…I can't." She concluded and turned around with a

deep sigh, just then Trunks opened the door to go check his mailbox, seeing Pan by the door he was surprised, "Pan? Why are you here?" He asked innocently and deep down he prayed that she was here to break the ice.

She froze and slowly turned around and looked at him, she saw him differently for the first time…he wasn't hers anymore, she gave off a meek smile and said. "I lost something."

He looked at her with a puzzled expression and looked around the place, "Here?"

"I found it now…" She spoke softly.

"What did u find?" He asked while sorting through the mail.

"Closure." With that she turned around and walked off, deep down a small voice told her that by giving up herself…she would at least make someone she loved happy, with that in mind she felt that it was worth it but the other voice, a smaller voice than the other said, 'But you won't be happy with him…is **that** worth it?'

"I know I've done right…even though it bit me in the ass, I know I've given the security." Pan stated to herself and reassured her voices and quieted them down, "Now to get some therapy..."

  
_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved   
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
_

Even now, on the aisle as she watched Ayami walked down in the gown and Trunks exchanging vows, she felt a source of peacefulness that she never had before, she knew that if she had broken this up, she would have never forgiven herself and neither would her conscience. The kiss Ayami and Trunks shared, their joy and happiness, somehow…it reached Pan's heart and made her realize the most important thing of all:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is **not self-seeking**, it is no easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. **Love does not delight in evil** but **rejoices with the truth**. It always protects, always trusts always hopes, and always perseveres.

"Even though Trunks, I can't be the one next to you…I know that you'll be the one next to my heart all the time, after all…Love is not selfish." Pan whispered as she followed the newly wed couple down the red-carpeted aisle.  
  


_We the stars fall and I lie awake  
You're my shooting star_

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The End

**A/N**: I was inspired by the song that Michelle Branch sang in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I was going to make this song fiction sad but I realized that I would rather make it slightly joyous and understanding, a break from the drama. By the way that last verse about Love, it is taken from the Bible, it is **1st Corinthians 13: 4-7**, people read this in the church when they are getting married.


End file.
